Handling Difficult Conversations - where to rent a mechanical bull

How do you deal with difficult conversations?
Did you hide from them?
Do you walk through them like bulls in Chinese stores?
Whether working independently or in an office environment, each of us faces difficult conversations every day.
You want to feel confident and controlled when you face difficult conversations.
Now you can learn how to do this.
In this article, I will share some tips on dealing with the two difficult conversations we face.
There are two types of hard conversations: one is something we have to tell someone that he or she doesn't want to hear, and the other is something we are hearing that we don't want to hear.
Share information that others don't want to hear.
In all kinds of places, this difficult conversation sneaks into our lives.
It can happen to what your best friend or spouse does, or what your boss does.
Anyway, how you deal with the situation can break a relationship (or a job. ).
One of my clients often has to face tough conversations with his spouse.
He describes his spouse as a "shark" and if he does not deal with the conversation with extreme care, he may drop his arm lop.
We talked many times.
Sometimes he does lose an arm and sometimes he comes out successfully.
One of the biggest problems with sharing information that others don't want to hear is that we don't want to share it.
We would prefer that this issue be corrected on its own without our intervention.
Our reluctance to act means we have waited too long.
We delayed what we had to do. • Act quickly.
Don't wait for the problem to be solved by itself.
The faster you move, the easier it is for people who accept information.
For example, if you let it last for a few weeks (sometimes a few years), the person's behavior becomes habitual.
It will be more difficult for them to change their behavior.
Also, this person may use "why are you telling me this now ? " To challenge you.
Think before you act.
Ask yourself what really bothers you.
Ask yourself what you want this person to do.
Ask yourself if this is really a problem.
Did you build from Mount mole?
What exactly happened here?
Do some serious soul
Search before action.
Listen to each other's views.
When you listen to another person, apply three C from the "just right" mode.
Listen with compassion and curiosity.
Imagine what they must be like when they hear what you're talking about.
Always remember that you can't change another person.
Be prepared to make changes and concessions on your own.
Listen with open, unjudged ears.
Don't try to figure out why someone is doing something.
You can't read thoughts, and you're not trained in Freud's psychoanalysis.
When you make naive assumptions about the motives behind people's actions, you insult them.
Accept minor changes that lead to more effective communication.
Hear the information you don't want to hear.
When someone asked us to sit down and say, "I need to say something to you. ”Oops.
Now we are on the other side of the table.
What will happen to us once we hear these words?
If you are like me, you will feel the hair behind your neck.
You feel like your defense is soaring
Again, there are things we can do to make this difficult conversation easier.
• Do not defend.
Of course, it's easier said than done.
When we feel that someone is challenging us, we will naturally adopt a defensive attitude.
We want to say, "but, I'm not saying" or "but, you're not there" or "but, you're there too ".
The list is endless.
Instead of responding with your usual "buts", listen to what the person has to say.
Ask many questions.
Here, you will apply the second of three C in Say It Just model.
You really want to be curious.
Find out as much as possible what this person wants you to do. • Negotiate.
Once you know what this person wants, share what you want.
Then you can negotiate.
For example, if your boss wants you to spend more time in the office, you might suggest spending an extra hour a week instead of an hour a day.
Become an active participant in problem solving.
When criticism feels personal, take a deep breath and try to gopersonalize it.
People often use the language that keeps us on the defensive.
For example, someone might say, "you said you would finish it by Friday, but you failed again.
All of these "Your statements" are private.
You need to ask questions when you answer.
"What do you mean I failed again?
Help me understand where this came from.
Make sure you know the next steps before the conversation is over.
Don't end a difficult conversation with vague things.
"I will try to do better.
Or "Okay, whatever you say.
Both at home and at work, we are faced with difficult conversations.
The trick is to learn how to best deal with these conversations so they don't ruin our relationship.
When you learn to "say it's the right mode of communication" and put these ideas into practice, you'll be closer to that magical place where even a difficult conversation is not so difficult.